Today, we’re proud to announce we have a guest speaker–the amazing Miss Chloe, who will present a photo-essay entitled How to Hunt a Wabbit.
Chloe is an expert Wabbit hunter, as well as an expert on hunting Squirrels, Mooses, and other plush toys. She has been recognized by the esteemed Elmer Fudd society as one of the finest Wabbit hunters in the nation.
Okay, Chloe – you’re on!
Thank you, and welcome, aspiring Wabbit hunters. I think you’ll find Wabbit hunting to be an excellent hobby, filled with excitement, emotion and slobbery plush toys torn up into little bits that clog the vacuum cleaner.
As a dog, I’m not much for words, so I’ve created an informative slideshow for your educationary delight. (We Jack Russells are masters of technology. Actually, we’re masters of just about everything. I’m not bragging; it’s the truth, plain and simple.)
First, find your Wabbit, and place it on the starting line.
Then, give it a good shake. Technique is important here. Shake hard.
Next comes more shaking. Incorporate some spinning and tap dancing into your shaking. But be careful! Some dance steps make it look like you’re peeing.
Next comes Wunning with your Wabbit. (“Wunning” is a technical term introduced by that master Wabbit hunter, Elmer Fudd.) This is almost as much fun as Shaking. Wun in big circles. Wun fast! Let your ears fwap in the bweeze cweated by your mad dash for Wabbit-hunting glowy!
Now, Bite your Wabbit. Bite him real good!
Occasionally, one must pause for reflection. This is the time to plan your next move. Strategize. Spot some good spinning spots, and work out a few wunning routes. Wabbit hunting may look spontaneous, but it requires a great deal of thought.
Okay, that’s enough thinking. Standing still is not my idea of a good time. So bite that Wabbit some more! Bite him! Bite him! Make him squeal! Go on, bite him harder! Bite! Bite! Biiiiiiiite!
Oops. Excuse me. Got a bit carried away, there. Er, just bite the Wabbit, okay?
Hunting Wabbits is serious business. Here I am looking serious. I think this photo is quite convincing, but what I’m really thinking about is how to get into the cat’s litter box.
Once you’ve caught and dispatched your Wabbit, making it sufficiently slimy and raggedy and gross, it’s time to return to the starting line and celebrate with an evil villainous laugh of triumph.